Getting to Baby! Week #9

Lots of info pouring in this week!  The hematologist found that most my tests brought normal results, but my iron level was very low and hemoglobin was also a bit off.

So my antithrombin (clotting issues) has showed some issues and now hemaglobin (bleeding issues) was off too.  Which seems odd since they do the opposite thing.  So the hematologist wants to treat the iron for a month and then retest all of it and see if there’s an effect.

As for the fertility specialist, we had our follow up and went over all the results as a whole.  Basically there is nothing glaringly obvious that would prevent pregnancy or cause pregnancy loss.  So that’s good.  Except that we still just don’t know why I had losses previously.  The blood clotting is the only possible issue left to rule our or deal with. She said there are a lot of things the medical world just doesn’t understand so there may be lots of information beneath the “normal” test results that is meaningful, but tests just don’t currently exist to see any of it.

So the plan is to try to conceive (pretty soon) we need to know what’s actually happening since the hematology labs haven’t shown any consistent or significant results.  But then  as soon as I’m pregnant we will monitor my hormones, take additional progesterone, probably a baby aspirin (pending the hematology test results next month) and watch the baby early on and we will have all my levels of everything recorded and tracked through the early weeks of pregnancy.

So that all seems good. Still I’m in no hurry and because things have so far been pretty inconclusive I’m doing a little more digging and getting more opinions.

I’m going to an other fertility specialist in 3 weeks.  He’s hard to get into so when I started this journey two months ago the first available appointment was a few months out.  I booked it knowing I’d get in with someone else in the meantime.  And now that we have a lot of test results and one opinion I think it will be productive to meet with this other specialist and a second set of eyes is always a good thing.  I’m also seeing a holistic/homeopathic practicioner a couple weeks after that (also hard to get into) because she apparently has a 100% success rate with infertility.  So why not!? And hopefully an alternative line of reasoning from her brings a more complete picture to light.

In other news I do not have PCOS but I have a couple of factors that indicate I’m at high risk for developing it.  The doctor said if I ever gain weight it would likely develop.  So basically I’m not allowed to get fat. And that’s not the worst thing.  It definitely adds to my motivation to stay fit and healthy! And I’m really happy to have the information so I can prevent a really horrible diagnosis.  Knowledge is power! especially when it comes to your health.

So…

Current treatments: levothyroxine daily for under active thyroid, ferrous sulfate (iron) three times per day for low iron.  Vitamin C daily to help with iron absorption, and lots of water.


I got pretty sad this week thinking about not having babies.  It always hurts a little but there’s things that really set me off.  I try not to judge but there are mom’s who seem so annoyed by their little ones, and so mad about their life as a mother.  So much complaining and I’m like let me take those kids that you can’t stand.  I’m not oblivious and I know life is hard with kids, but it sucks to feel like I’m losing the game and the winners don’t even care that they’re playing. It’s like they’re so good at it, it’s so easy for them that they just show up but they don’t really play the game.  They don’t enjoy it.  And there’s those who actually resent it. And then there’s me and all the other infertiles giving it all we have plus extra conditioning and we still can’t win.  I’m the scrawny kid in school that works harder than anyone and still has to sit on the bench so the massive kid that barely shows up to practice can start the game.  Whatever I’m taking the sports analogy too far, and believe me, I get it and as a coach I’m the first one to put winning above team spirit.  but being a mom isn’t a game and not being a mom is just one of those unhust, life isn’t fair things that reminds me I better be obnoxiously thankful and joyful about the things that are going well in my life.  I better make sure every “underdog” that’s struggling with something that comes easily to me knows how grateful I am for what I have.  This is teaching me that the only thing worse than being the loser is enduring an ungrateful winner.  And no, this isn’t a zero sum game and we can all have babies and an other parent’s additude really has nothing to do with me.  So no excuses here, I just felt sad about it.

My angel mom, not knowing I was sad, shared a beautiful and sacred story with me and reminded me that I’m not “behind.”  I have two children and they are mine and they are real. And I’m their Mother.  The games not lost just yet.

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