Getting to Baby! Week #21-22

I’ve got a little catching up to do. First of all we moved!! That’s been our focus for the past couple of weeks so here’s the Top ten highlights of our move:

10. We backed our moving truck into our (old) house the day before we left.  Luckily we found someone to repair the damage to the house first thing in the next morning before the buyers moved in so it was all ok, but it was also just the icing on our stress cake that week.  I was at that point where you just laugh like you have a screw loose because none of this really matters, but it’s all a huge deal.

9. Once the repair was complete we hit the road. We drove for about 13 hours over two days from Phoenix to Salt Lake. 

8. Kent drove the moving truck with my car trailered behind it.  I drove Kent’s truck with the dog in the back seat.  It was a slow drive but we were just grateful to make it there safe. 
7. We found a dog friendly hotel in southern Utah when we stopped for the night.  Kent opted for two queen beds so Nora had her own bed and loved it. She usually doesn’t really sleep when we are in hotels, and keeps us awake all night.  Not this time!  Slept like a baby in her queen bed.

6. We bought our house sight-unseen.  Luckily my parents had gone through it and FaceTimed us but that’s all we had seen when we made the offer.  

5. The first time we walked through was the day after we drove to Utah; one day prior to closing.

4. The new house wasn’t ready when we arrived and the agent hadn’t completed the repairs.  It was super overwhelming to walk in for the first time and see it as a mess with no repairs completed.  I was really grateful for the house but not prepared for the condition it was in. (Plus exhausted from selling and moving and dealing with our non-responsive agent from out of state.)

3. We told the agent we were not going to closing the next morning if we didn’t have paid receipts for all the repairs that were supposed to have already been completed; Found out at that point he hadn’t even ordered some of the items that he had previously said were on the way.  We pushed back the closing, the agent finally pulled things together at the eleventh hour, and we signed later that day.  It snowed on our way to the signing so we felt like we were officially back in Utah! 

2. We stayed at my parents house for a few more days until the seller moved out and we were so grateful to have a comfortable place to land while waded through the chaos!

1. We moved in with the help of lots of family and we couldn’t love the house more!  We once again saw the things we loved about it in the first place with all the clutter and repairs out of the way. 

Here’s our happy little cottage.  We love it!  We are hopeful and excited to bring babies home here.  We are extremely grateful to be here and to have so many amazingly generous friends and family who sent us off with so much love, and  helped us pack, clean, and move both in Arizona and here in Utah.  We are genuinely overwhelmed with graditude everyday that this huge change in our life has been made so comfortable by others. 

Besides moving we celebrated Thanksgiving with Kent’s family. (I was sick in bed, but it was a nice holiday regardless.)

I met my newest nephew (before I got sick).

He’s precious and adorable.

And Nora got settled in to her new space. 

Tomorrow we are leaving on a trip (watch my instagram if you want to follow along on our adventure!) and then we will be back with just a couple weeks to decorate the new house for Christmas.  We are jamming everything we can into the last couple months of 2017! 
Xoxo Kailee


Getting to Baby! Week #20

It’s hard to believe 20 weeks have gone by.  We’ve made so much progress but it’s easy to feel like nothing has happened since the progress we’ve made is mostly just intellectual.  We’ve learned SO MUCH! And that feels great for a while but every night and every morning I just crave having a baby in my arms and in my life and as much as I try to ignore it, the ongoing void does take a huge toll on me emotionally.  I’m not a big crier still but I well up and cry more now than I ever have before. It’s usually not a “why me” or “poor me” type of cry, more of an “I miss you so much and wish I could hold you right now.” 

I’m used to powering through things when they’re hard or big or daunting.  I’ve been called a bulldog (for better or worse) by colleagues because when everything comes to a standstill I ask the awkward questions and make things happen.  I’m not shy or cautious if I believe in something and want to see it move forward.  So wanting this so badly and not being able to push anything forward is very frustration to me. I usually skip over the sad parts of life and focus on the end result, but this journey has forced me to stop and experience the bad with the good.  No more running up the hill and leaping over the holes beneath me.  Infertility slows everything to a crawl.  And that’s just not my speed at all.  It’s uncomfortable, it’s inefficient, it’s pathetic and I’ve always believed I could outrun those things.

It’s really devistating when you realize that you can’t.  And Yeah,  I know I’ll probably get a baby one day and I will have “beat this,” but at the moment I’m not winning.

In other news, we had my pre-op appointment. It went well and I was once again really impressed and comforted by my new fertility specialist.  He said the surgery is very quick and recovery only takes a day of rest before I can get back to regular activities.  So we are feeling great about that.  The surgery involves inserting a camera into my uterus along with some little scissors and through the camera the doctor will guide the scissors to the septumn in my uterus and cut it away until the tissues bleed.  Once he sees blood he knows he has cut away enough because that is where the blood supply is and that is the final goal: having the blood supply accessible an embryo.  So at that point the surgery ends and I go home to recover for a day.  Then we will follow up to make sure everything healed properly and start our first cycle of Clomid as soon as I’m all clear from surgery.

That is good news and makes me hopeful about getting a baby soon. 

Other than that we are prepping for our move happening in less than a week!  We have the absolute worst realtor in history which has been a pain, but if we can just get him to finish a couple of things we can move on and that will be a huge stress relief.  

That’s our week 🙂

Getting to Baby! Week #19

We’ve had a good week with Halloween, prepping for our move, and saying goodbye to friends.  Like most years, we decided to dress up at the last minute, but since all our closets are pretty much emptied we didn’t have any cowboy hats at close reach so Target saved us with an assortment of Buffalo check attire and a Lumberjack family was born.

Lumberjack life chose us.
 Mine is actually a nightgown, Kent’s is a regular shirt and Nora’s is a maternity top with most of the back cut out.  But you know its not really Halloween until you have a chopped up maternity shirt involved, so here’s to keeping up procrastinator traditions.
I also found the cute little lumberjack man that came with a buffalo check fleece blanket.  He matched everything in the cart so I couldn’t just leave him there on the shelf and I think he’s cute to have around for Christmas so it all works out.
Anyways, Kent and I put our costumes on or about 2 hours while trick-or-treaters were coming by and then lost the boots and hats pretty quickly since, well, its Arizona.  While it may look festive and cozy it actually felt like we dressed up as a sweaty sauna.   So the remainder of the night was sitting under the AC vent mostly undressed watching a scary movie.
On Friday we had a really fun surprise when my parents who were returning from a trip to Puerto Vallarta sent a text saying they had a few hours layover in Phoenix and had time for dinner.  We cruised over to the airport and got to enjoy dinner and a few ours of chatting which was a lot of fun.  The main reason we are moving to Utah is to be able to spend more time with our families.  Dinners and chatting face to face is a luxury we miss and have learned not to take for granted.  The past few weeks I’ve noticed that I have feelings of missing my family way more often then I typically have over the past several years of living away from them.  It occurred to me that I’m letting myself acknowledge that I miss them since I know that I’m moving back, but for years I’ve turned that emotion off since it would be really overwhelming to feel all the time.  When you don’t have a visit planned or an end date set it is really hard to stay positive if you always focused on missing your people, so I didn’t dwell on it.  I don’t think it’s necessarily bad or good how I’ve handled all this.  I did what I needed to and we’ve been unimaginably blessed here; just in different ways than we would have been if we lived near family.  I would do it all again in a heartbeat even though it is hard.  The friends and experience we’ve gained are things I wouldn’t ever trade and probably the most fulfilling things we’ve done is figured out how to be really happy on our own together.  That is the number one thing we hope to maintain when we move back to Utah and forever.  When we were deciding whether we should really make this move we kept catching ourselves in happy moments where we’d look at each other and we could tell the same thought had crossed both our minds.  sometimes we even verbalized it and every time it was “I just don’t want to lose this.”
We feel blessed to have had all these years together before kids, away from the familiar, with all the stress and growth and screwing up that has been involved.  It has been exactly what we needed but never knew to ask for.  We recognize it as the hand of God in our lives and we’re humbled when we look back at what we’ve struggled through.
We are preparing this week for my Pre-op appointment on Monday.  Preparing mostly looks like making myself refrain from googling everything ahead of time.  Since the surgery won’t be until January I know I’ll have all the time I need to google what ever the doctor tells us at the appointment.  So I’m keeping busy with packing up boxes, organizing our life for the next few weeks, and dealing with all that’s involved in buying and selling homes.  I don’t think I’ve said much about the houses we’ve had under contract so far so here they are.  In no particular order (and not including the one we are actually – probably – moving into in two weeks).
Homes we could have called our own:
Eastridge Drive: A classic movie neighborhood with tree lined street, gorgeous mountain views.  Inside we had worn out blue carpet and original 90s interior. Think golden oak, mini crown molding, linoleum bathroom floors. This one needed a full renovation inside and out but was priced just low enough to what we wanted cosmetically.  I was thinking heavy beige mortar wash over the brick, new matte black shutters, modern landscape and a statement front door.  Plus oiled oak floors, new trim, white walls, a remodeled master suite and completely renovated kitchen inside.  We were NOT looking for an other project house at all, but the prime location and price made this one worth it to us.  Unfortunately the inspection found a lot more than just cosmetic upgrades were needed.  Chief among them was the roof and high levels of radon gas in the basement which the sellers refused to take care of .  It wasn’t terribly expensive to have mitigation done, but the seller absolutely wouldn’t budge.  We considered paying for it ourselves, but ultimately didn’t want to pay for something on a house before we actually owned it.
The Lehi house: Brand new home with  “modern farm house” interior on large (dirt) lot.  The finishes inside were beautiful, but a couple of the rooms were oddly shaped/sized.  This would have been a more permanent home since it has the large yard and higher end features.  It was overpriced for the area it’s in and the seller wasn’t willing to negotiate at all.  We would have gone for this one if they would have come down on price just a bit.  But ultimately didn’t want to overpay for what was just an “ok” house for us since it’s nice inside, but not perfect; in a good area, but not our preferred area; and still would need a whole yard landscaped, fence installed, and basement finished.  It almost checked all our boxes, but didn’t have anything that made it “great” for us.  It’s still on the market a couple months later so I’m curious to see what happens with this one.
Lighthouse Drive: Recent build with lots of upgrades and stunning mountain view.  This home was so nice.  It was the most expensive home we had under contract and they had an appraisal that was significantly above our contract price.  A lot of that is due to the location being very desirable and near a lot of large nice homes, but the owners had also added tons of upgrades in the one year since it was built.  This house was very nice and beautifully maintained, a perfect find on paper, but never really spoke to me emotionally.  I didn’t know why not and we had it under contract or several weeks, but I wasn’t sad at all when we cancelled the contract.  Everything about it was new and nice and even similar to my tastes, but it felt like I “should” like it, and just didn’t feel the love.  I would have been very grateful to live in this beautiful home, I just didn’t feel that emotional connection to it right away for some reason.
victors view
Victor’s View: Shady front yard with remodeled interior and huge grassy lot.  This was the first house we made an offer on.  It had such an inviting front yard and the interior was brand new with extra high ceilings, tall doors, beautiful oiled oak flooring, and secret passage ways (murphy doors) to the butler’s pantry and the HVAC room.  It doesn’t have a basement so it’s a lot less square feet than most of the houses in that area, but perfect for us since we weren’t looking for a bigger home.  The yard was huge and backed up to horse property.  The Sellers got two offers on the same day: our offer was contingent and the other offer wasn’t so they got the house.  This was when we knew we were really going to do this.  We were definitely moving to Utah!
 So that’s it – we have an other home that feels just right for us that is under contract and moving forward.  I’ll give you a sneak peak as soon as it’s officially ours!

Getting to Baby! Week #15


We did the sonohysterogram a few days ago and found no polyps!  That was great news but it did show something else known as a Uterine Septum.  In my case, the septum is not severe and that area of the uterine wall is just slightly thicker than it should be.  For reference, anything over 1.5cm thick is considered a septum, I’m at 1.7cm and a typical uterus is about 7.6cm in total length.  So, this means the outside of my uterus is a typical shape, but the inner layer is too thick at the top/center.  This septum is shaped like an upside-down triangle at the top of the uterus and it can make conception and pregnancy difficult for a few reasons: In severe cases the septum can extend the full length of the uterus creating two separate cavities. The septum itself does not have the same blood vessels and is made up if different tissues than that of the uterine wall so an embryo trying to implant near the septum will likely be unable to implant at all.  Likewise, when the placenta forms it needs to connect to the inner wall of the uterus and get a blood supply, but if the inner wall is too thick where the placenta attaches the villi will not be able to reach the blood vessels.  This is why even a minor, partial septum like I have can cause recurrent miscarriage.  Continue reading “Getting to Baby! Week #15”